Saturday, 5 March 2011

The light at the end of the tunnel

I was stitching away the other night, when I suddenly realised how quickly I had completed a little corner of my cloth, and it suddenly dawned on me that I no longer laboured over each stitch. I can talk, watch tv, sing along to the radio and stitch and stitch, without hindrance. I stitch so fast, my fingers are on fire.

This is quite an important realisation. You might remember me recently writing about one of the horrible symptoms of PND being a lack of concentration, which made hand sewing very laborious indeed. The more I thought about this change, the more I realised most all of my symptoms have all but gone. When did that happen? I just don't know, I guess it is a gradual process. Just as PND creeps up on you like a slow rising tide, so too does it creep away, and before you know it, you are no longer stranded.

I decided to celebrate by making myself a nice cuppa and getting down to some more stitching, and being as I had no champagne, I took a leaf out of my colleagues book and chowed down on some fizzy cola bottles, not a bad stand in, I must say.


Anyhow, I think I can safely say (touching wood here), I have come through the worst of it, and feel very much back to myself, in fact, probably much improved, they do say, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, after all. Not sure how much truth there is in that, but I like to think a grain or two. It has certainly been a challenging time and it feels good to be able to once again draw on my inner reserves and find they are topped up and serving me well.

On a final note, I did not speak too candidly about PND here. It is a dark and quite frightening subject that is somewhat taboo. So very few women even admit to suffering from it, let alone discussing it honestly. Most women with PND feel deep shame and worry about being judged, and people DO judge, they judge because they do not understand.
So, with that in mind, take a minute to read this and this. If you have any loved ones who are pregnant or have little ones, whilst a web page of text will only give you a glimpse into the reality of PND, it might at the very least prepare you to show some compassion an humility to anyone suffering from this horrid illness.

I dedicate this post to mothers everywhere, those who have suffered, are suffering or supporting their own loved ones through PND, and those mothers who have managed to hold on to their hats too. Mothering brings us great joy, but golly is it a difficult job sometimes. So heres to you all, mum's everywhere, I salute you!

Also, big love and thanks to those close to me, who have propped me up with their relentless support, understanding, kindness and love, you know who you are, I love you always <3


  1. Yayyyy.... I am glad you are feeling so much better about yourself and thank you so much for giving us all some insight into this dreadful illness. I am just so pleased that you are seeing the light at the end of that dark tunnel. That butterfly in your cloth really does signify a most wonderful transition for you (and your family).
    Your little cloth is a delight and love the mental image of your fingers on fire as you stitch. It is so therapeutic and healing to stitch I think.
    Missed you previous post...how lovely to receive your package from Dot and one of her lovely birdies. Lots of amazing goodies in their to play with on your cloths!!!

    Sending you a big congratulatory hug and I'm sipping on a bourbon and coke to celebrate!

    Jacky xox

  2. I have just read the symptoms of PND over on those pages you linked to and I feel weird saying this - but I think I have PND. I might book an appointment with my doctor to chat about all of these things. I didn't have it with Zoe (my first daughter), but everything feels different this time. So much harder and I guess even though I try to put on a brave face I'm not really coping.

    Sorry to blab on. I really should go to bed. Thanks for this post!

  3. Oh Alicia, do go to your doctors. I have sent you an email, big hugs to you, you will be ok <3

  4. I love, love, love Your post! Women just do not get enough credit for what our bodies have to endure! Isn't carrying the baby for nine months and then going through labor enough? geez oh pete!
    But, I am soooo happy that things are really looking up. And, while it may be debatable that 'things which don't kill us make us stronger', it for sure makes us more human and more empathic!

    And, I love your beauty-ful cloth! It is coming along soooo nicely. I know the finished product will be gorgeous!
    <3 U, dear friend!

  5. So good to read this, Hoola. I'm glad you're feeling better.

    I have really noticed that when I'm feeling good, I'm usually embroiled in some kind of creative hobby, scrapbooking or cross-stitching or quilting, what have you. I don't know which causes which, but I have found it very hard to get started on new projects when I'm feeling down or listless.

  6. It's great (and amazing) that you are feeling much more like your old self again given recent events. It's also nice to see you around here a bit more too :o)