I was stitching away the other night, when I suddenly realised how quickly I had completed a little corner of my cloth, and it suddenly dawned on me that I no longer laboured over each stitch. I can talk, watch tv, sing along to the radio and stitch and stitch, without hindrance. I stitch so fast, my fingers are on fire.
This is quite an important realisation. You might remember me recently writing about one of the horrible symptoms of PND being a lack of concentration, which made hand sewing very laborious indeed. The more I thought about this change, the more I realised most all of my symptoms have all but gone. When did that happen? I just don't know, I guess it is a gradual process. Just as PND creeps up on you like a slow rising tide, so too does it creep away, and before you know it, you are no longer stranded.
I decided to celebrate by making myself a nice cuppa and getting down to some more stitching, and being as I had no champagne, I took a leaf out of my colleagues book and chowed down on some fizzy cola bottles, not a bad stand in, I must say.
Anyhow, I think I can safely say (touching wood here), I have come through the worst of it, and feel very much back to myself, in fact, probably much improved, they do say, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, after all. Not sure how much truth there is in that, but I like to think a grain or two. It has certainly been a challenging time and it feels good to be able to once again draw on my inner reserves and find they are topped up and serving me well.
On a final note, I did not speak too candidly about PND here. It is a dark and quite frightening subject that is somewhat taboo. So very few women even admit to suffering from it, let alone discussing it honestly. Most women with PND feel deep shame and worry about being judged, and people DO judge, they judge because they do not understand.
So, with that in mind, take a minute to read this and this. If you have any loved ones who are pregnant or have little ones, whilst a web page of text will only give you a glimpse into the reality of PND, it might at the very least prepare you to show some compassion an humility to anyone suffering from this horrid illness.
I dedicate this post to mothers everywhere, those who have suffered, are suffering or supporting their own loved ones through PND, and those mothers who have managed to hold on to their hats too. Mothering brings us great joy, but golly is it a difficult job sometimes. So heres to you all, mum's everywhere, I salute you!
Also, big love and thanks to those close to me, who have propped me up with their relentless support, understanding, kindness and love, you know who you are, I love you always <3