Those of you who have been readers for a while will remember I suffered from Postnatal Depression after Bluebelle was born. I did not blog for a long time as a result, it took a while to find myself again.
Since having Bear, it has hit me afresh. It crept up on me like a slow rising tide, and before I knew what was happening, I have found myself stranded again. I sit in bed day after day, sometimes just numb and silent, and often angry and obnoxious. PND is so cruel, it's timing so perverse.
I have decided to be a bit more candid about it this time, more than anything because being creative and posting about it here does actually make me feel better, it is a small achievement in my otherwise mostly unproductive days, and it is something I do for me. I expect cleaning the house or washing clothes is a heck of a lot more productive, but it's not quite as appealing when I am in my darkest moments.
The childrens Christmas list has played on my mind like a double edge sword. On the one side, it is marvellous that I am committed to delivering those hand made gifts because it forces me to drag my sorry ass down stairs and hook up the sewing machine. On the other hand, it has also brought me much anxiety and pressure, and the ensuing guilt as Christmas edges nearer and I realise I am not likely to fulfil all of their wishes, is quite unpleasant.
So, I have made a pact with myself. I WILL make everything on the list, it just might not happen before Christmas.
So far, I have completed Ambers cushion and book bag, the cushion turned out quite well, despite the wonkiness, and the book bag was going swimmingly until I attached the straps, but I might be able to fix that. I have also made a gift for Boo and now need to do another for her and two for Hoozel also. I will take photos soon and share, the days are so dark it is difficult to get a good shot.
I am thankful to have an incredibly supportive network of friends and family around me, and I know with their love and understanding, I will find myself in this fog, it might just take a while. I hope you don't mind me sharing, it is not my intention to turn this space into something dark and gloomy, quite the opposite, I hope it will allow me to shine a little of the light that appears in my otherwise dark days.
Much love and Christmas sparkle to you all <3
Oh, I hear you. So awful that nature works that way after pregnancy/birth. Right when you need to be at the top of your game because you're exhausted and then you have a hard time functioning on top of that. So hard, and not fair! Be easy on yourself.. I hope things start looking up soon.
ReplyDeleteUgh I'm so sorry you're experiencing PND. :( Many hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteHi Tallulah and thanks for sharing this with us...not nice to be going through these dark times and it nice to be able to talk with friends about it (even if it is via the internet).
ReplyDeleteI look forward to reading about your new projects as you find time to do them.
The days may be dark and dreary now, but the winter solstice is over and it wont be long before the days will be getting longer and brighter...I always look forward to the winter solstice passing as I know we're heading back into longer days and warmer weather.
Take care and keep warm!
Jacky xox
oh, I'm sorry to hear this. I can't pretend to offer any expert advice I'm afraid. At times when I feel low, I often write myself a list to try and give myself a purpose and a bit of direction - even if it's just a list, it's a bit of progress to get me out of the fug. You have to do whatever you feel you can. hugs. XO
ReplyDeleteMonda
x
Thank you all for your kind words of support <3
ReplyDeleteI think it is so awesome that you are still blogging! Have you ever seen "Finding Nemo"? We always say to each other here, when times are tough...."Just keep swimming, keep swimming, swimming, swimming"!
ReplyDeletexoxo
How are you doing tallulah ? Hopefully better and still having lots of projects in your creative mind. It helps, as well as writing in a diary as colourful as the fabrics you chose for your artworks. I feel sure you could embellish anything you want. Thanks for visiting me on flickr (isa13). I so enjoy your blog, those matriochkas (Russian dolls) are simply adorable :)
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